Hilary's story

Listen to my own story of using the Lightning Process in this podcast on our Bristol and Bath Team website:

http://lightningprocessbristol.com/episode-8-my-recovery-story/

What do you want?

I am often amazed at the power of this one simple question.

Many a time I have listened to clients telling me in detail about all the things they don’t want, don’t like about themselves, their life, or the world, the things they want to change..... yet when I ask “So what DO you want?” I am met by a stunned silence, as people realise that they don’t really know!

It is a bit like having a filing cabinet with two drawers. The first one contains what you don’t want, the second what you do want. Your “Don’t want” drawer is neatly organised, you open it daily, you know exactly what is in it and can find things quickly. Your “Do want” drawer, however, may not have been opened for years, and when you do it is dusty and confused, you don’t know where anything is, and you certainly haven’t got a system to tell you what is important, and what unimportant.

Once you start to open your “Do want” drawer regularly, you will find out what is there, and begin to organise it. You will also clear out any goals from years ago that are no longer right for you, keep the goals you still like (you might be surprised to find some lovely ones that had got buried!), and have space to add new ones.

If you are at the stage of not even knowing what you do want, do remember that finding out is a process, and like most things it can take a little bit of time and practise to get really good at it. The key is starting. And even if you feel that you have a fairly good idea, it is good to do this process from time to time, because like all housework, you need to keep doing it!

Then, when someone asks you what you want, you will be able to find the answer quickly and easily. And, even more importantly, you will be able to start taking steps to achieve what you want in your life.

The Doctor Who Gave Up Drugs

This two part documentary on BBC One is available for the next few days. It charts the changes that patients have made in chronic pain, high blood pressure and depression, amongst other things, using simple life changes. Well worth watching!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07w532p

For anyone who feels they are too busy....

How often do you say "I am too busy" or "I am so stressed"? 

I really recommend listening to this series "Oliver Burkeman is Busy" on Radio 4. It's a fascinating insight into what may really be going on when we feel busy all the time.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07w1dpx/episodes/player

All or Nothing Thinking

Have you ever thought about what happens when we use words like always, never or everybody?

For example:

“Everything has gone wrong today”

“Why can’t I do this when everybody else can?”

“Women / men always......”

Words like these are often a sign that you are doing “all or nothing thinking”. They imply “this is the way it is”. They make things absolute, definite. They frequently leave you with a sense of getting it wrong, of criticising yourself or others. And, they are almost never true (Really? Everything has gone wrong? What about breathing?!). Yet we can go on to base the rest of our day, or life, on this statement that isn’t true.

For example, a friend of mine decided to give up smoking. She didn’t smoke for 3 months, then had a cigarette after a difficult day. Immediately afterwards she said to herself: “I knew I would never be able to give up, I always ruin things for myself .......” If she had continued down that line of thought she would have felt terrible, had another cigarette because she had already failed........ and returned to smoking.

Fortunately she noticed what she was saying and instead asked herself “Is that really true?” She then noticed that for 3 whole months she hadn’t smoked, and that she had only spent 5 minutes smoking. Instead she decided to say to herself “I know I can give up smoking, I have done it for 3 months already so of course I can do it again!” She stopped using her “always” and “never” sentences, chose to focus on the 3 months rather than the 5 minutes, and decided to go back to being a non-smoker. Which she still is!

All or nothing thinking can get us into all kinds of problems. It has been shown to be a key element in anxiety and depression, for example. So whenever you hear yourself use one of these “all or nothing” words, just ask yourself “Is that statement really true?” Most of the time (but not always, of course!!) you will find it is not. Then that frees you up to look for other evidence, possibilities, or ways of understanding the situation. And noticing that can change the rest of your day.... or even your life.

All or nothing thinking is a bit like living in a black and white world, rather than enjoying the full range of beautiful colours around us. Which world would you rather live in?

How our body is trying to help us

Here are a couple of interesting ideas that I have found to be true when working with people as a Lightning Process practitioner:     

• Our minds and bodies are always trying to help us
• We can learn things very quickly

It certainly might not feel like that if what you experience is negative or destructive. If, no matter what you do to change something, it continues to happen, it might even feel like your body or mind are against you and there is nothing you can do about it. But could it be that these negatives are your body’s or mind’s attempts to help you, and they simply need updating?

Say your young child wanted to make breakfast for you because it was your birthday, but when she brought it, the toast was burnt, the orange juice was dripping off the tray, and the eggs were completely uncooked. You would probably say thank you, be delighted, and attempt to eat what you could, because you recognised her intention to celebrate your birthday. But you also might teach her how to do it better next time! And you would know that, with good teaching and a bit of time and practice, of course she would learn to make breakfast well.

So if there are behaviours, thoughts, feelings or even physical problems in your life that are limiting you, you may just need to help your body and mind to help you more effectively. To do this you need to: 

• Gain new information and better tools. 
• And use them to retrain your brain and your body to do things in a different way.

You might not know how to do this at the moment, if you are feeling stuck, but one effective way is the Lightning Process, which is very good at helping people learn to  change their lives. And as humans we are very good at learning! 

The Science of Resilience

This is a great programme about increasing your resilience, and the science behind it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07cvhrs