Steffan's Story

I recently caught up with what one of my clients has been doing since the Lightning Process: here is what he wrote. And congratulations Steffan on the birth of your baby son!

"I did the Lightning Process (LP) in May 2014 for my moderate M.E (CFS) which I had suffered with for around 6 years.

I was resigned to fact that I would probably never work enough to afford a house and I would never have the energy required to have children.

A typical day before doing the Lightning Process:

Waking up 10-11 am but stuck in bed with intense anxiety and lack of energy, feeling like I hadn’t actually been to sleep. Usually up by 12 noon. Having breakfast and showering (when up to it), after extra fatigue from this usually lying on the bed or sofa or floor up to 4pm. Force myself to get up from intense hunger, make myself meal which probably has little nutritional value but too exhausted so do something quick and easy.

Having dinner, maybe trying to help cook dinner but not being much help. Trying to get an early night and usually difficulty getting to sleep, tired but wired. Often awake until 3am or later for no reason just trying desperately to go to sleep. Cycle repeats. Even worse next day if I tried to do any extra exercise.

Biggest Achievements since doing the LP:

·         Being on top form for my own wedding.  The day could not have gone better.

·         Succeeding in securing two jobs during the last year, both physically demanding. Both more hours than I have worked per week during the 6 years.

·         Getting up around 8.30am. If working that day always on time to work and always time to get ready properly beforehand.

·         Going for walks measured in miles rather than meters.

·         Achieving all goals in my pre LP form listing “ideally I would like to…” including finally starting a band, and finishing building arcade machine in time for wedding reception and stag party.

·         Joining gym and attending it (even on a work evening),

·         Running around field near home (never done before).

·         Making new remix 27,554 views and counting on youtube. Recording singing and guitar in recording studio, always wanted to do it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqs1b0rx8Jc

·         Homeowner since June 2016.

·         Father since September 2016!" 

Thoughts

We have talked in several blogs about the power of our thoughts: positive or negative. But what do we do when we notice a thought that isn’t helping us? Recently I came across an interesting exercise to use; I liked it partly because it has similarities to some of the tools you learn on the Lightning Process course.                                                                                                        

Take a thought like “I’m not good enough”, or whatever your “favourite” not very useful thought is. If we think that thought many times a day it is going to have a major impact on our life. Notice (briefly!) how you feel when you think it, and you will start to see why this is so.

Now change it to “I am having the thought that I’m not good enough”.

How does that feel different?

And now change it to “I notice that I am having the thought that I’m not good enough”. What effect does that have?

I find that it subtly changes my relationship to the thought. After all, it is only a thought........ and my thoughts are changing all the time. It is normal to change a thought, in fact they change on their own automatically. So if that is the case, what thought would you rather be thinking?

Hilary's story

Listen to my own story of using the Lightning Process in this podcast on our Bristol and Bath Team website:

http://lightningprocessbristol.com/episode-8-my-recovery-story/

What do you want?

I am often amazed at the power of this one simple question.

Many a time I have listened to clients telling me in detail about all the things they don’t want, don’t like about themselves, their life, or the world, the things they want to change..... yet when I ask “So what DO you want?” I am met by a stunned silence, as people realise that they don’t really know!

It is a bit like having a filing cabinet with two drawers. The first one contains what you don’t want, the second what you do want. Your “Don’t want” drawer is neatly organised, you open it daily, you know exactly what is in it and can find things quickly. Your “Do want” drawer, however, may not have been opened for years, and when you do it is dusty and confused, you don’t know where anything is, and you certainly haven’t got a system to tell you what is important, and what unimportant.

Once you start to open your “Do want” drawer regularly, you will find out what is there, and begin to organise it. You will also clear out any goals from years ago that are no longer right for you, keep the goals you still like (you might be surprised to find some lovely ones that had got buried!), and have space to add new ones.

If you are at the stage of not even knowing what you do want, do remember that finding out is a process, and like most things it can take a little bit of time and practise to get really good at it. The key is starting. And even if you feel that you have a fairly good idea, it is good to do this process from time to time, because like all housework, you need to keep doing it!

Then, when someone asks you what you want, you will be able to find the answer quickly and easily. And, even more importantly, you will be able to start taking steps to achieve what you want in your life.

The Doctor Who Gave Up Drugs

This two part documentary on BBC One is available for the next few days. It charts the changes that patients have made in chronic pain, high blood pressure and depression, amongst other things, using simple life changes. Well worth watching!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07w532p

For anyone who feels they are too busy....

How often do you say "I am too busy" or "I am so stressed"? 

I really recommend listening to this series "Oliver Burkeman is Busy" on Radio 4. It's a fascinating insight into what may really be going on when we feel busy all the time.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07w1dpx/episodes/player

All or Nothing Thinking

Have you ever thought about what happens when we use words like always, never or everybody?

For example:

“Everything has gone wrong today”

“Why can’t I do this when everybody else can?”

“Women / men always......”

Words like these are often a sign that you are doing “all or nothing thinking”. They imply “this is the way it is”. They make things absolute, definite. They frequently leave you with a sense of getting it wrong, of criticising yourself or others. And, they are almost never true (Really? Everything has gone wrong? What about breathing?!). Yet we can go on to base the rest of our day, or life, on this statement that isn’t true.

For example, a friend of mine decided to give up smoking. She didn’t smoke for 3 months, then had a cigarette after a difficult day. Immediately afterwards she said to herself: “I knew I would never be able to give up, I always ruin things for myself .......” If she had continued down that line of thought she would have felt terrible, had another cigarette because she had already failed........ and returned to smoking.

Fortunately she noticed what she was saying and instead asked herself “Is that really true?” She then noticed that for 3 whole months she hadn’t smoked, and that she had only spent 5 minutes smoking. Instead she decided to say to herself “I know I can give up smoking, I have done it for 3 months already so of course I can do it again!” She stopped using her “always” and “never” sentences, chose to focus on the 3 months rather than the 5 minutes, and decided to go back to being a non-smoker. Which she still is!

All or nothing thinking can get us into all kinds of problems. It has been shown to be a key element in anxiety and depression, for example. So whenever you hear yourself use one of these “all or nothing” words, just ask yourself “Is that statement really true?” Most of the time (but not always, of course!!) you will find it is not. Then that frees you up to look for other evidence, possibilities, or ways of understanding the situation. And noticing that can change the rest of your day.... or even your life.

All or nothing thinking is a bit like living in a black and white world, rather than enjoying the full range of beautiful colours around us. Which world would you rather live in?