For anyone who feels they are too busy....

How often do you say "I am too busy" or "I am so stressed"? 

I really recommend listening to this series "Oliver Burkeman is Busy" on Radio 4. It's a fascinating insight into what may really be going on when we feel busy all the time.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07w1dpx/episodes/player

All or Nothing Thinking

Have you ever thought about what happens when we use words like always, never or everybody?

For example:

“Everything has gone wrong today”

“Why can’t I do this when everybody else can?”

“Women / men always......”

Words like these are often a sign that you are doing “all or nothing thinking”. They imply “this is the way it is”. They make things absolute, definite. They frequently leave you with a sense of getting it wrong, of criticising yourself or others. And, they are almost never true (Really? Everything has gone wrong? What about breathing?!). Yet we can go on to base the rest of our day, or life, on this statement that isn’t true.

For example, a friend of mine decided to give up smoking. She didn’t smoke for 3 months, then had a cigarette after a difficult day. Immediately afterwards she said to herself: “I knew I would never be able to give up, I always ruin things for myself .......” If she had continued down that line of thought she would have felt terrible, had another cigarette because she had already failed........ and returned to smoking.

Fortunately she noticed what she was saying and instead asked herself “Is that really true?” She then noticed that for 3 whole months she hadn’t smoked, and that she had only spent 5 minutes smoking. Instead she decided to say to herself “I know I can give up smoking, I have done it for 3 months already so of course I can do it again!” She stopped using her “always” and “never” sentences, chose to focus on the 3 months rather than the 5 minutes, and decided to go back to being a non-smoker. Which she still is!

All or nothing thinking can get us into all kinds of problems. It has been shown to be a key element in anxiety and depression, for example. So whenever you hear yourself use one of these “all or nothing” words, just ask yourself “Is that statement really true?” Most of the time (but not always, of course!!) you will find it is not. Then that frees you up to look for other evidence, possibilities, or ways of understanding the situation. And noticing that can change the rest of your day.... or even your life.

All or nothing thinking is a bit like living in a black and white world, rather than enjoying the full range of beautiful colours around us. Which world would you rather live in?

How our body is trying to help us

Here are a couple of interesting ideas that I have found to be true when working with people as a Lightning Process practitioner:     

• Our minds and bodies are always trying to help us
• We can learn things very quickly

It certainly might not feel like that if what you experience is negative or destructive. If, no matter what you do to change something, it continues to happen, it might even feel like your body or mind are against you and there is nothing you can do about it. But could it be that these negatives are your body’s or mind’s attempts to help you, and they simply need updating?

Say your young child wanted to make breakfast for you because it was your birthday, but when she brought it, the toast was burnt, the orange juice was dripping off the tray, and the eggs were completely uncooked. You would probably say thank you, be delighted, and attempt to eat what you could, because you recognised her intention to celebrate your birthday. But you also might teach her how to do it better next time! And you would know that, with good teaching and a bit of time and practice, of course she would learn to make breakfast well.

So if there are behaviours, thoughts, feelings or even physical problems in your life that are limiting you, you may just need to help your body and mind to help you more effectively. To do this you need to: 

• Gain new information and better tools. 
• And use them to retrain your brain and your body to do things in a different way.

You might not know how to do this at the moment, if you are feeling stuck, but one effective way is the Lightning Process, which is very good at helping people learn to  change their lives. And as humans we are very good at learning! 

The Science of Resilience

This is a great programme about increasing your resilience, and the science behind it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07cvhrs

More mind-body connections

Recently I watched a BBC programme called "How to Stay Young". A few things jumped out at me, because they fitted so well with what we know through the Lightning Process.

• Excess stress can shorten life by up to 5 years. "A happy brain is a healthy brain".
• Brisk walking increases both memory and learning, by helping you grow the part of your brain responsible for them: a great example of the connection between mind and body.
• Positive attitudes to ageing can mean you live 7 years longer, and in a younger person can halve your risk of a heart attack. That is how powerful it is when we change our beliefs about ourselves and life!        

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0770cpf

5 ways to wellbeing

Last week a friend told me about www.fivewaystowellbeing.org. These are 5 things that are proven scientifically to improve our wellbeing, and a great way to check in with how your life is going:

Connect                                         Be active

                      Take Notice

Keep Learning                               Give

So I took a look at how I had been doing in the last week or so:

• A friend’s birthday weekend ticked connecting and being active (walked up a big mountain) plus quietly taking notice of the freshness of the new leaves and the lambs.

• Dancing which, as well as being great exercise, involves lots of learning.
• And I ran a Lightning Process course, in which I was able to share with others (giving) these amazing tools. When I look at my life now I still have a sense of amazement sometimes that I wouldn’t have been able to do most of the above before I did the Lightning Process for my own health and wellbeing over 8 years ago.

What one thing could you introduce to your life this week, whether big or small, that could help you increase your sense of wellbeing?

Dealing with other people's negativity

Here are two good articles about handling other people's negative states of mind.

David Hamilton says in http://drdavidhamilton.com/how-to-deflect-negative-emotion/

"Just as you can catch a cold by hanging out with someone who has one, so you can actually catch emotion too.... You don't just catch emotion from others, you transmit emotion too. Other people catch what you are feeling. So if you want to help others to be happier, one of the best ways is to work on your own happiness. Then they will catch it from you." 

The second article looks at how it is possible to have too much empathy:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-darkness/201605/negative-empathy