You have a choice

When I first started looking into doing the Lightning Process for myself, way back in 2008, one of the ideas that really had an impact on me was that I had a choice. That I could change all these things that previously I had no idea I had any influence over. My emotions, old stuck beliefs that were getting in my way, but for me most of all, my body and my health! I had had 8 years of fatigue and illness, not being able to work or to do anything but the absolute basics of daily life. I had tried SO many things (you wouldn’t believe some of the things I tried! But that’s another story….), but nothing had made much difference, so I had got to the stage of thinking “that’s just the way I am”.

Then an article I read about the LP contained this simple line “You have a choice”. It said that there were effective, proven tools I could learn which could switch off the ill health I was stuck in, and switch back on the healthy state that had been there before I got ill. That I could CHOOSE health! Not something we are taught in schools!

I hadn’t even learned those tools yet but I noticed a sense of excitement and hope for the future that immediately created happiness in the present, expectations of a more positive future, and mysteriously (to me, then) a slight change in my energy levels already. 

When I actually did the Lightning Process for myself, I learned much more about how this is possible, about the science behind it, about how to access the neurology and physiology of health, about the powerful connection between our mind and body; all of which enabled me to choose balance and wellness.

So that phrase has always stuck with me. All these years later, I still often say to myself “You’ve got a choice here, Hilary”. But also, my brain has taken it on board automatically now, so it has become a core way in which I approach the world. Even in little things, like the weather! Clearly, we don’t have a choice about the weather, so when I say “You have a choice, Hilary”, my brain then searches for what I DO have influence over, like how I feel about the weather, or taking waterproof clothing!

Try out this phrase for yourself and see what effect it has. What different thoughts do you have? What changes in your body? Does your future seem brighter? If you were to learn to have a choice over all these things you never thought you could influence, what would you choose?

If you would like to find out more about how I can help you, please go to my website www.hilaryallen.org.uk .

 

 

Why catastrophe thinking is neither accurate nor a good idea

With everything that is going on in the world at present, anxiety could feel like a natural, even inevitable, response. But there is nothing inevitable about it; there is a key thinking pattern involved in anxiety, often called catastrophe thinking, and there are simple ways to learn to change it. Feeling anxious generally involves telling yourself a horror story about your future ….. usually the worst possible outcome and then some! Our brain goes something like this; if I focus on the worst thing that can happen, I’ll be prepared for it, and if something better happens, I’ll feel relieved and pleased. And if I keep repeating this, I will always be prepared.

But there are several reasons why that doesn’t work:

• None of us know what will happen in the future. When we predict the future it’s a guess, a story that we are telling ourselves. However, by focusing only on the worst thing that could happen, our brain ends up believing that this is the truth, not just one of many possibilities, so you are not giving it accurate information.
• It’s not even the most likely outcome. Mostly you are choosing the possible or the very unlikely, rather than the probable. 90% of what you worry about never happens!
• You scare yourself, and turn on the fight or flight response. But since this story is about the future, there is nothing to run from or fight. Instead, the chemicals associated with the inappropriate fight or flight response just stop us from thinking straight or making good clear decisions, stop our immune system from working properly, and create all the symptoms of anxiety. And if you repeat the same horror story time after time in your mind, you get stuck in this state.
• It’s the story that creates the anxiety, not the event. Human beings are really good at problem solving. People are often surprised to find, when something they fear actually happens, that they rise to the occasion and find the inner resources to deal with it. They may even become stronger, happier, and more resilient people as a result. We miss this ending out of our horror stories!

What you can do to change this pattern

Start noticing the stories you are telling yourself, recognise them as stories rather than the truth, and ask yourself, ’Is it helping me to focus on this?’

If the answer is no, here are some ways to learn to tell yourself more useful stories;

1. Start by remembering times in the past when you successfully resolved a challenging situation. What did you do? How did that feel? Notice how creative we can be in these situations.
2. Don’t allow yourself to tell the same story more than once. Interrupt the repetitive cycling round by insisting that you change it each time.
3. Deliberately tell yourself as many different stories about what could happen as you can. Use your creativity! Include ones where everything goes really well, and ones with good and difficult things mixed together, to balance your original “worst case” scenario.
4. Make sure every story you tell has a successful outcome, in which you rise to the occasion, find the inner resources to handle it well, and move on to a happy life. Go far into the future if you need to: ‘What will I feel like in 10 years time?’ Psychologists talk about post traumatic growth; the idea that difficult experiences can be a powerful positive impetus to move forwards and grow.
5. But most of all, keep coming back into the present. Our amazing ability to predict the future and problem solve can be very useful, but it’s important to come back to the present and remember that the future doesn’t actually exist! My favourite way of doing this is to look at a tree:

A Better Future is Possible

In Bristol a few days ago I saw a colourful banner that read "A better future is possible." 

Here is an inspiring children's story about how the dramatic events of the last months could lead to a much more positive future for the world. 

The stories that we tell ourselves DO make a difference! What story are you telling yourself?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5KQMXDiM4

What IS the Lightning Process?

I am often asked this question; and it is surprisingly hard to answer, given that I have been a Lightning Process practitioner for over 11 years! This is mainly because it is quite complex to answer, and takes 3 days to explain properly. But over the years I have tried lots of ways of giving a flavour of the LP, and I thought I would share a few of them.

The one line answer is ‘It’s a training course that teaches you powerful tools, to enable you to influence your health and life’. All human beings have amazing abilities, but often we don’t even know we have these abilities, let alone how to use them to help ourselves. The Lightning Process teaches you this.

Using how your body works to make changes to your health

People’s next question, especially when they want to influence their own physical health, is often “How on earth can a training course help me to get well from a physical illness?” Good question! I generally find the most effective way to answer is to explain a little about how your body works.

One of the amazing abilities that your body has is the natural ability to heal. Think of how a cut heals, or your body recovers from a cold. The LP shows you how to activate this innate natural ability, and get it working well for you.

Our brain and nerve pathways (in fact our whole body) are constantly changing in response to how we use them. That’s neuroplasticity, and it’s behind all learning. This means that you can learn to strengthen your healthy, happy pathways, and allow stuff which is not useful to fade away. To find out more you might like to look at my blog about sheeptracks and neuroplasticity.

Then there is the powerful fight or flight response. This is only meant to be turned on when there is a true physical emergency. But sometimes, without meaning to, our body has learned to turn it on for situations where running away or thumping someone is the last thing that is going to help! As a result you can end up being stuck in the fight or flight response long term, which takes a huge physical toll on your body. In the LP you learn to:

1.      Turn off the fight or flight response if it is inappropriate

2.      And the rest of the time keep your healthy happy physiology switched on instead.

Is it a threat or a challenge?

Have you ever missed the last bus or train home? You might have felt panicky, scared and flustered, telling yourself  ‘everything’s gone wrong’: or, you might have calmly started to think through possible solutions. Or, has your boss / teacher ever told you that you need to do a presentation to lots of people – tomorrow! Did you immediately start to run around like a headless chicken? Or did you decide you’d do your best and it’d be good enough? We are faced every day with events that we need to respond to, and choices about how to respond.

Is stress good for us?

Clients often ask me ‘Isn’t a bit of stress good for us?’ or ‘Don’t we need some adrenaline to get us going? I’d never get anything done otherwise’. And it’s true that a state of deep relaxation and calm – while lovely to experience – is not going to be the best state to be in when responding to situations like these. But what do we actually mean when we talk about stress or adrenaline? There is a lot of confusion that goes on here, because there are actually TWO states involved.

What many people refer to as ‘stress’ is that state where you feel threatened by a situation: the result is often feeling rushed, snappy, not able to think straight, not sleeping … Sound familiar? Ironically, being in this state does nothing to help us resolve a problem or be at our best!

But there is another much more useful option, a motivated ‘rising to the challenge’ state. And this is the one that enhances our performance, and enables us to think clearly and problem solve.

The key to which state we are in seems to lie in how we THINK about the situation, whether we see it as a threat or a challenge. This makes all the difference to how we respond and the results we achieve, but interestingly it also makes a difference to what goes on in the cells of our body.

So how do we know whether we are in the challenge state or the threat state? Here are a few pointers.

The threat state involves:

·       Focusing on the negative.

·       Imagining and fearing the worst that could happen.

·       Feeling like you can’t do anything about it.

·       This actually means that your performance gets worse just when you want to be at your best.

The challenge state involves:

·       Believing you will be able to find a way through.

·       Being curious: ‘How will I resolve this?’.

·       Then looking for solutions and opportunities, focusing on what you want.

·       You have calm energy, focus and concentration, so you are at your best.

The science bit

Interestingly (if you like science!) there is some new scientific evidence to show that your body produces different hormones depending on whether you think there is a challenge or a threat. In both, your heart rate increases, but in the challenge state adrenaline is produced, which expands your blood vessels to accommodate the extra blood; so your blood pressure does not go up. When you think you are being threatened, this sends different messages to your body, cortisol is the main hormone produced, and adrenaline production is actually inhibited. Without the adrenaline your blood vessels do not expand, and your blood pressure rises. Cortisol (the ‘stress hormone’) is known to be involved in a range of health problems, especially when it is around long term.

All of this is your body responding to what you think about what happens to you!

Learning to be kind to yourself

We are often told to “Be kind to yourself” or “Love yourself”, but this can feel harder to do than to say. A client asked me recently “What does it MEAN to be kind to yourself? I try, but either I don’t know what to say, or I don’t believe what I say”.

This simple exercise had a transformative effect for her, so you might want to see what changes for you as you do it:

Think of someone who has been kind, supportive or loving to you in the past. Step into their shoes, and imagine you are them. How does it feel to see yourself through their eyes? What do they feel or know about you? What would they say to you, and how would they sound as they said it? How much do they know that you deserve this support? As your supporter, feel what it feels like to feel this compassion, love, acceptance and kindness towards you.

Then step back into yourself and hear what they have just said. Let it in, both what they said and HOW they said it (the non verbal communication which makes all the difference). How does that feel different from usual?

Another way of experiencing kindness and support is to imagine how you would talk to a friend or family member, and talk to yourself in the same way. So you can try this too.

What would it be like if we all treated ourselves like kind and supportive people treat us – or, as we treat other people? I would love to hear what you learned about kindness from this exercise.

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive." Dalai Lama

Enjoying the whole walk

I love climbing hills and mountains. I love the fresh air, and the views which change every time I pause for breath and look around. I also love the feeling of moving and stretching my body, and even that great feeling when I take my boots off afterwards! I do it for fun. The view from the top can be wonderful, but it’s a small part of the experience and it’s the whole thing I enjoy.

But it is equally possible to treat climbing a mountain as hard work, by focusing on the effort required, or forgetting about the experience of climbing and fixing solely on the goal of getting to the top. Why would we do it like that?

It is so easy to approach life like a series of goals to be achieved. A list to be ticked off. If we have things that we want to change in our lives we can end up approaching our self-help tools like that too. Like a summit to be reached rather than a walk to be enjoyed.

The trouble with fixing on the summit is that we are only there for 5 minutes. Sometimes we don’t even enjoy that because we are focused on getting to the end of the walk – usually a road, pretty uninteresting!

It is always our choice where we look for joy, and if we look for it in the whole experience we will find a lot more of it than if we focus solely on the end result. I clearly remember the impression it made on me when someone reminded me that the end result of life is actually death!

What would it be like to approach the changes that we want to make in our lives like a fun walk, and to really enjoy the whole experience; the ups and the downs, and the views along the way?

“Don’t do anything that isn’t play.” Marshall B Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication

Fatigue to 18 mile coastal walk!

Jess describes her experience before and after the Lighting Process:

What happens when you doubt yourself

A client sent me this cartoon, which reminded me how much self doubt can get in our way:

Sheep tracks and neuroplasticity

In NLP and the Lightning Process we talk a lot about how our brains and bodies works. It’s interesting that the inner processes that get us into trouble, are often also exactly what we need to get us back on track, living our lives well. One of these is the brain’s ability to change in response to how we use it. This is technically known as “neuroplasticity”.

My clients know that I often tell this story about sheep tracks as a way of describing neuroplasticity. Maybe it’s because I so enjoyed my chances to work with sheep on farms in my early 20s! Then one of my Lightning Process clients who is a farmer, Maria Greaves, sent me this photo which reminded her of my story. So I promised I would write a blog about it. Thanks Maria, I have finally written it!

Sheep tracks

If you are feeding sheep in a field every day, you might find that the path and the feeding place become muddy and churned up. So you decide to put up a fence to stop the sheep from going onto the muddy area, and feed them somewhere drier and more suitable instead. To begin with, the sheep won’t know where to go to find their food, but sheep are pretty clever when it comes to food and they will work it out pretty quickly! But there won’t be a track yet going to that new place, so to begin with they will be pushing their way through grass and heather. However, when you consistently give them food in this new place, it won’t take many days before there is a clear sheep track that goes there.

And the old muddy track? When it is no longer used it is surprising how quickly the grass will grow and the track will naturally disappear. Just as the mud of Glastonbury Festival returns to grassy fields again every year!

Neuroplasticity

Our brains work in just the same way. Our nerve cells connect with each other to form neural pathways, and when we use a pathway it gets stronger, easier to go down, and more automatic. But when we stop going down those pathways they fade away. Your body doesn’t like anything to be wasted, so the materials are reused to build new pathways. (You can see new neural pathways growing in brain scans.) So you can retrain your brain as quickly and easily as those sheep tracks change, by “feeding your sheep” where you want them to go.

Our blueprint for health and happiness

I saw my osteopath recently, and we talked about the osteopathic idea that there is a blueprint for life in our bodies; that we are all born with the ability to be healthy and happy. This includes the ability to restore the balance when it goes out of kilter. Things get in the way of that knowledge, but underneath our body know how exactly how to do it. We just need to learn how to remind our body of what it already knows! This is an idea that also underlies the Lightning Process (because Phil Parker first trained as an osteopath).

I have started to play with this idea of a blueprint in my imagination, knowing the power of our thoughts to influence our bodies. I imagine myself getting very small and travelling into my body, carrying this “blueprint for life” (like a map or plan for health and happiness). In my imagination I go to each cell in my body and give it the blueprint, then watch as it remembers what its role is in the big plan, and transforms.

Here I get very creative! Sometimes I imagine that for each cell it is as if the sun has come out and it is relaxing into the warmth, glowing with calm energy. I see the cell communicating well with other cells in the body, all working together to create health and happiness. Sometimes I choose specific cells: for example, I might want to bring calm to any cells involved in the fight or flight response, if there is no real emergency going on; or pour energy into cells that need that. It is all about coming back into balance, which our body has a natural ability to do.

Sometimes I see the genes on the chromosomes in each cell switching on or off so that they can respond in a healthy way (the science of epigenetics has proved that this happens). Anything that needs repairing gets repaired. A housekeeping team goes through and decides what needs clearing out (toxins, dead cells, cells with mistakes that don’t fit the blueprint, viruses…..) and takes them off to be composted and transformed into something useful. My imaginary story changes every time.

My compost bin!

If you decide to have a go yourself, have fun with it! Remember there is a lot of evidence that our body responds to every thought we think. If we think about lunch our stomach rumbles. And our brain lights up in the same way on a scan whether we are looking at an apple, or imagining an apple. So your body will be responding to these imaginary thoughts too. We do housework in our homes and repair things that have gone wrong, why not do the same for our bodies? And it’s a good way to take a break, or something to do while you are drifting off to sleep …..

If you are curious and want more information about using the power of your thoughts, I recommend David Hamilton’s work, especially his book “How your mind can heal your body”.

Being good enough

Do you recognise this set of events?

1.       You write a long list of things to do in your day,

2.       Postpone things you enjoy or really want to do for yourself, because you haven’t finished your list,

3.       Beat yourself up at the end of the day for not getting it all done,

4.       And feel overwhelmed.

This is a sign of perfectionism. A common misunderstanding about perfectionism is that it is about doing things really well; which sounds like quite a good thing to aim for, doesn’t it? However, it is actually about setting yourself an impossible target, and then beating yourself up when you don’t achieve it. It tends to have one of two results: you end up pushing and exhausting yourself trying to achieve the impossible, or you don’t even begin to do something, because it all looks too overwhelming.

Perfectionist patterns vary from person to person: for example trying to be the perfect parent, trying to meet everyone else’s needs and requests (now THAT’S an impossible task to set yourself!), wanting everything you write to be perfect.

Society encourages this pattern. What is expected of you at work can be completely unrealistic. Schools reward getting things right, and working hard. Social media gives the impression that you need to have the “perfect” life or body. Interestingly, I reckon that about 70-80% of clients that come to see me run this pattern somewhere in their lives, which shows how common it is.

But what gets lost in all of this? You! The things you love doing, space and time for yourself, living your life fully, and enjoying the present moment. So to make room for these vitally important things, you need to get really good at:

·         Knowing what is really important in your life and prioritising that.

·         Being kind to yourself.

·         Making mistakes and that being OK (after all, do we really like it if our friends are perfect?!).

·         And being good enough.

I know about this because I used to have plenty of perfectionist patterns. I have made huge changes with these since I did the Lightning Process, but from time to time I still notice and change unrealistic expectations that I have of myself, other people, and the world. The other week I was enjoying a walk on my own and having a chat with myself (as I like to do from time to time!) and I started playing round with putting “good enough” after anything that crossed my mind. For example;

                “My life is good enough”

                “The world is good enough”

                “My family and friends are good enough”

                “My body is good enough”

                And, of course, most importantly, “I am good enough!”

I felt quite different about all sorts of things as I did this. And it must have had a powerful effect, because that night I woke up with a poem in my head (not something that has ever happened to me before!):

             Nowhere to go,

Nothing to do,

I’m good enough

And the world is too.

               

The science behind ME / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Ever wondered how it is possible for the body to get stuck in a long term illness such as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or ME? Here is an infographic from Phil Parker which explains some of the science which lies behind this. Similar things happen with a range of other physical illnesses.

How to live life the easy way

There is an easy way and a hard way to live life; and interestingly, the difference between these two has surprisingly little to do with external circumstances.

So often we assume that we need to change the external situation to be happy. We think “If only I had a better job, different government, more sun….. THEN I would be happy” If being happy involves changing the government, our job, other people, or the weather, we are setting ourselves some very big obstacles to getting there! And then one of two things tends to happen. We either put loads of energy into trying to change something that is very difficult to change; or, we give up and assume we can never be happy.

The key to living life the easy way is to identify what it is we can change, and what we can’t. And then direct our energy into the things we CAN change.

When you want something to be different in your life, try asking yourself:

“Can I actually change this?”

If not, “What DO I have influence over?”

Generally we have most influence over ourselves, our choices and actions, and our state of mind. We have very little influence over other people, and trying to change other people tends not to work out too well! And as our influence over the government, world events etc tends to be small, we will get further in changing things if we focus on what WE can do rather than worrying about what others are not doing.

You might think you don’t have influence over your state of mind, but you do! Here are two simple ways of discovering this.

·         Move, do some exercise, go for a walk, do something fun; and check out how differently you feel afterwards.

·         Think about someone you are fed up with, and look for 3 good things about them. How does that change how you feel about them?

There are many things in life we have no control over, but we ALWAYS have control over how we respond to them.

Insights into changing pain

There is a revolution going on in our understanding of how chronic pain works, and therefore how we can retrain our brains to resolve it. In this video Professor Lorimer Moseley gives us fascinating insights into this breakthrough.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oji2mfcjisk

What you focus on matters

This video and article both show how choosing what we focus on helps us to shape our lives.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCnfAzAIhVw Reticular Activating System

http://www.heysigmund.com/why-what-you-focus-on-is-what-becomes-powerful-why-your-thoughts-and-feelings-matter/

What is REALLY important?

Recently I heard the story of ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’ by Margery Williams Bianco for the first time, and it got me thinking about what is REALLY important in life.

Two toys in a nursery are having a conversation. The Skin Horse, who ‘had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath.’ And the Velveteen Rabbit, a newcomer to the nursery.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day... The Skin Horse replies,
"Real ... is a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." 

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. 

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." 

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," the Rabbit asked, "or bit by bit?" 

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time .... Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

We often fail to notice some of the most important things in life, like the connections and love we have with people, because we spend so much time thinking about stuff like how we look, or what people think of us. This is when it is worth asking “What is REALLY important here?”

I also thought about the fact that this is what this story is saying to me, today, but the last time I heard it I took a slightly different meaning from it. Stories are very powerful, partly because they mean whatever we need them to mean to help us at the time. What you take from this story might be very different from what I take from it, but just right for you.

By the way, the picture is of my niece’s much loved rabbit, which went everywhere with her for many years!

Tips for getting things done

I used to be a great procrastinator, saying things to myself like “I really SHOULD write that email / go swimming / sort out those boxes”! However, I have learned lots about how easy it can be to get motivated, once you know how.

So often we unconsciously use ways to try and motivate ourselves that simply don’t work.

Do any of these sound familiar?

*   Scaring yourself with what will happen if you don't do it: eg "I will be fat and unhealthy if I don't exercise". It means you tend to experience lots of stress and bad feelings. Also, you don't spend much time thinking about what you do want in life so you may not have very clear goals.

It is a good idea to add in what you do want.

*   Being a Dictator: eg giving yourself orders (in your head) in a stern, unpleasant voice, or saying "have to" or ‘should’. Most people react by putting things off!

Instead you can use a pleasant, inviting voice to say things like "It will be nice / useful to ... " or "I really want to ..."

*   Imagining what it will be like to do something, instead of seeing it finished. This works well if what you are doing is fun, but not so well if it is something like washing up.

What happens when you think instead about what it will be like when the washing up is all done?

*   Overwhelming yourself: eg. "To paint the spare room I’ll have to clear everything out and I don’t know where to put everything and then I’ll have to buy the paint and then…. " It all seems too big and we tend to put off starting.

You can break it down by asking yourself "What is the first step?" If that is still too big, break that down too! Then notice and enjoy each little step you complete, so you are motivated to do the next one.

Lightning Process embroidery!

I was delighted and touched to receive this beautiful gift from a recent happy (and very skilled) Lightning Process client, Nilu Ahmed. In case you are wondering, the duck represents our natural ability to float and be buoyant in life (in both body and mind): we were born with it, we can re-find it within us. Thanks Nilu!

Martine McCutcheon talks about the Lightning Process

Here is an article about actress and singer Martine McCutcheon's experience of the Lightning Process.

http://home.bt.com/lifestyle/health/wellness/what-is-the-lightning-process-11364193609824